LIFE IS GOOD. JESUS IS EVEN BETTER.

hello everyone.  you guys already know who i am.  i write or blog today in hopes of just writing out what is in my heart.  today i am job hunting.  i am posting my resume online for federal jobs and even jobs that i don't even know.  whew.  just posting your resume and portfolio online is a hassle.  you see, i am currently being processed for getting my degree at old dominion university in biology. 

while i was doing this i sensed a great deal of sadness and grief in my heart.  though i believe i will get my degree at the end of next month, i still feel as if i don't belong in the world as far having a career.  it's like putting a circle peg in a square hole.  i want to...but my heart says no.  i wonder how God will provide for me...hehe.  i ask that question all the time and my heart cries out to Him. 

i really don't know how far God will take me...to be honest im scared.  im really scared.  its like when Abraham was asked to leave his hometown and go towards the land God has promised to him and his descendants.  i am scared of reaching my potential.  ive only seen bits and pieces of it, but i can't imagine how God will use me. 

knowing God all these years has changed me.  i don't even know the person that i am now.  im totally different from how i used to be.  i thank and praise Him for always protecting me and my family...and His guiding hand.  i thank Him for His patience, but most importantly i thank Him for the love that was given to me unconditionally...even if i didn't deserve it.  His love is what drives me to do my best for Him.  i know im not perfect, but i strive to be more like Him.

so here i am in tears while im writing this.  i don't know where to go from here.  i write to you brothers and sisters in hopes that ive touched a place in your heart where God wants you to be.  God wants the very best in your life!  He knows the desires of your heart even before you ask Him and He knows WHY he created you.  your very purpose lies in Him.  may you be blessed and never forget your first love...He is our Lord Jesus Christ.

walking with God has to be the most exciting experience I have ever EXPERIENCED in my life!  you never know where God will lead you...especially when it deals with His will for one's life.  one thing is for sure...you gotta love God to truly walk with Him.  i love God with all of my heart, but that doesn't mean that i've never had to run through any valleys in my life.  i've learned that it is not when a Christian is on the mountain peaks with God that his/her character is molded...but it is when a Christian is experiencing his/her valleys. 

i've gone through valleys in my life, whether it dealt with my parents, school, moving around, or my sin and rebellion against God...yes, i've gone through it all.  God doesn't count how many times you've fallen, but how many times you've gotten up and called upon His name!  isn't our God so great!  praise be to God i am where i am right now, not because of me...but because of Him!  the ONE TRUE GOD who gave me life and my salvation!

i am forever thankful to Him for his faithfulness and the times that i've been "subpar"...praise be to Him who will always be there for me when no one else is around to listen.  i am just so excited with my walk with God because i really have no idea where i'm going next...except to wait on Him and see that "His ways and will are good, pleasing, and perfect!"  Romans 12:2

i remember the sermon this past sunday...pastor preached on our covenants with God and how we should honor our promises/covenants...i made a covenant to the Lord that I will NEVER give up on this race...no matter how hard or how many times i've fallen...i will run this race to the end!  Glory to God!

praise God that He is good and faithful!  i was just going to write down and blog how i am feeling right now.  well you see i have this thing for always being a perfectionist.  i always have to do things a certain way or else it will mess me up.  what im writing now really has nothing to do with what i will mention next, but its somehow related.  growing up i wanted to be a doctor...then i found out that going to medical school would cost me not only financially but also emotionally and socially.  i would literally have no life if i had gone that path...

now it's like im stuck in a rut...i graduated last year may of 07 and im currently taking two classes to fulfill my requirements for that bachelor in biology...im sort of down because i look back and i would have done things a little different.  i guess its all hindsight now.  i cant do anything about it...there is one thing that i will never regret and that is when i received the Lord Jesus Christ into my heart and my life.

ever since He became my Lord and Savior it is like He turned my world and my priorities upside down and inside out.  He replaced my old lifestyle with a new one, old friends with new friends, and old idols with the promises of tomorrow.  now, i ask God where He would guide me at this crucial point in my life.  im just searching for answers, but im afraid of growing up.  im kind of afraid of what i'll be in the Lord.  (not in a bad way but in a good way)  He's already revealed bits of pieces of what He will mold me into.  im at a crossroad right now. 

now i just have to wait.  waiting is something im really getting good at.  with patience i know that He will show me the way.  i just have to receive it when the time comes.  i hope that im ready for whatever it is He has in store for me.  im praying that ill never fail Him.  i pray that God will show me that way.  there's something inside of me that doesn't want to just "settle" with my life now.  there's just got to be something more that the Lord wants to show me.  i don't know what it is.

these couple of weeks have been trying for me.  but i know that i trust in a God that cares and is bigger than any of my problems.  my devotion the other day was from Psalm 9:10 and it read "Those who know your name will trust you, for you, O Lord, will never abandon those who searches you."  i have noticed that my relationship with God through these times have grown.  i have matured and with Him i have gone in "deeper waters".  you know one thing i don't like about myself is when i have failed God, i get so overly hard on myself.  right now i have to trust God.  i have to have faith.

yesterday i was traveling to maryland to do something that i had done before.  it was something that always makes me look at life and see a different perspective on things.  you see a good friend and brother passed away last week.  his name was bro. derek pastor or bro. "big".  i know some of us have known him and have gotten a chance to get acquainted with him through identification, revolution and past retreats.

his death along with the death of my friends' acuaintance and now even the passing away of a great football player in sean taylor makes me ponder at the meaning of life.  i asked the Lord so many times "why?" as if he will answer me...at this moment about the deaths of these people.

God really impressed in my heart that it is not what we have or how much weve done for others that will count the most...people will ALWAYS remember the nice things that people have done for them.  but it is really RARE that people have left a LEGACY behind for the people who have loved them or have had an intimate relationship with. 

i remember one day bro. hector told me that "it is not how good of a dad ive been to them that my daughters will remember me by, but by the legacy of being the father that JESUS has shaped me to be that they will remember."   legacy...what a strong word.  Our Lord Jesus Christ left us a legacy.  i believe that those people who have inspired others to follow our Lord have left a true legacy behind here on earth.  they will be remembered for the obedience and submitting fully to the Lord. 

i know people in my life that haven't met the Lord yet...but when they do, im very sure that the legacy that they leave behind will impact me to be the minister of the gospel that im going to be, the husband to my wife, the father to my children, the son to my mother and father, the brother to my sisters, and most importantly the servant and friend in relation to Christ. 

there are many people in my life young and old who already are putting things in my heart in relation to following Christ.  whether by encouragement, rebuke, love, respect and patience i have grown to love and have a deep respect for these people.  my fathers in the faith, brothers and sisters who i have shared my life with, all of the Life Church family i just wanted to say i love you guys from the bottom of my heart.  i appreciate you guys so much.  i don't know what i would do without you guys. 

my family...i have the best mom and sister in the world!  my aunts and uncles.  i love you guys as well.  this time has made me realize that life is so short and living your life for God is the best thing we can do with our lives.  i willfully submit my self to the Lordship of Christ.  my hopes and my dreams are in His mighty hands and His unfailing love has never left me.  i take this time to to forget my past. 

i want to leave a legacy behind.  to live a life that is fully for God is one that continues to honor Him while he/she is here.  bro. derek ("big") was one who emulated Jesus and filled that title well.  i might not have had the chance to get to know him as well as sis. aubrey, his friends and family, but getting to know him the short time ive known him made me feel the legacy he left behind for his family.  praise the Lord he is with Him.

it is by faith that gets me going...it's been a while since ive written a blog.  i have to say that at this stage in my life, i have to go by faith and faith alone.  Remember the blog i had about my calling?  well i have to stay the course and believe that God is going to guide me there.  i have to learn that i can do "all things through Christ who strengthens me". 

i believe that God is at work in the lives of many people who are even unaware of His presence.  God is everywhere and we have to believe that He will deliver.  we have to believe that we have a God that keeps His promises.  sometimes i have been discouraged...by circumstances, by friends, by family, by the ones that i love the most...but all in all i have to have faith.  i have to have faith.

hey folks, how are you guys?  me, im just "fine and dandy".  by the way that is a classic forrest gump line.  i just want to take this time to give thanks to my Jesus...my God.  yesterday, i went to work and a co-worker name kenny wanted me to help him read the bible...mind you this is a guy who you would not think would ever be interested in reading the bible, but it seems yesterday his countenance had changed.

God is really good and He is at work at the work place.  i see most brothers now with their bibles and recruiting other people in our bible studies.  just now i was thinking on how far God has taken me and i can't help but cry at times.  it really is a special time for me and exciting because i don't know how far God is going to take me.

being obedient to God has resulted in a lot of changes in my family.  my sister and i are a lot closer.  my mom is attending discipleship and people at work are responding to the gospel.  the one2ones are at full effect and i love all of the people i disciple.  i see a little bit of myself in each and everyone of them. 

which reminds me of how i used to be.  i was disobedient to my mom and wasn't compliant at all.  my mother and father had gone through a separation and my life was headed nowhere.  i had no sense of direction in life even though i knew that i wanted to be in the medical field.  i had nobody to turn to but God Himself. 

if we would just turn over our lives to God He will take care of it.  He will not let you down and His promises are Yes and Amen.  He is not man that He backs away from His promises.  i have given Him my life.  even to this day i know that i still have a long ways to go...

but im really excited to see where God is going to take me.  i have accepted who i am in Him.  sometimes i can't help but wonder where im going to be 5-10 years from now.  i give glory to God because of who He is and not because of what He has done for me.  i don't expect God to pay me back because i have been obedient or been a good boy but i expect the best out of me so that i could give glory back to Him. 

i now realize that life is all about giving Him glory because He protects that glory for Himself saints.  so now whether im at home, work, church or wherever God leads me to go i humble myself....and give glory to Him who continues to work in my life.

i spent some time with my little sister today.  she said she wanted sushi so i took her to sakura.  i don't think i will ever get tired of sushi...as a matter of fact i think i could eat sushi or japanese food everyday.  mmmmm.  raw fish wrapped with seaweed and rice.  plus the miso soup.  too bad i'm making myself hungry by writing this blog.

well, it wasn't really about the sushi that really got my day up and excited.  i not only got a chance to spend time with my sister while we ate, but i told her about God and everything about me.  how i struggled with certain things, but ultimately, i told her how much i have loved her all of these years even though i treated her like the typical big brother.

i wasn't always a great brother and i somehow always treated her like she didn't exist, but i think it was because we were always like two opposite people.  if i was the north pole...she would be the south.  if she liked white, i liked black.  so it goes with our personalities.  though we have been a lot through the years even with my dad and mom getting separated, i noticed that we sort of drifted apart...i think it was because my mom always favored me and my sister did not like being compared to me and so she says...

i told her today that she was "chosen, royal, and holy" and that God would accept her for who she is and not look at her past sins, as long as she starts to live for Him.  we had a really good talk and telling my sister that i really do love her was awesome!  i didn't know that my sister loved me as much as well. 

she listened and i could tell that she was receptive.  it was God that gave me the words to say and the confidence to say them.  i'm so glad that my sister and i have gotten closer and that she said that she could never have any unforgiveness towards me.  i thank God for my sister.  i love sushi....but i love my sister more.  brothers, please take your little sisters out to eat and tell them how much you love them.

that small still voice is what it is...we often ignore it, but the truth of the matter is we hear Him almost every second.  He tells us how much He loves us then tells us what is coming up ahead.  Let's continue to thank Him that He always wants to communicate with us every second of the day...just keep an ear out.  He will speak.

a knife is made to cut...a kite is made to fly...a car is specifically made to transport people...a pair of shoes were made to cover our feet and to aid us walk.  these things have a specific purpose.  well, did you know that each and every one of us has a specific purpose that God has called us to do in a unique way?  our call and purpose is very important to God.  some people were called to preach the Gospel.  others were called to be businessmen and nurses...

whether called to preach the Gospel or not we are all destined for greatness as Christians.  we are all called to ministry.  we are ALL CALLED.  Jesus said in Matthew 4:19 "Come follow me and I will make you fishers of men."  we are all called to be fishers of men...

this is my story of falling out of love...no, it's not about a girl.  it's about a call that i once held to so dearly for so long.  i've always wanted to be a doctor or someone that would eventually help out in the medical field.  my mother's side (family) are all nurses and doctors, so following after their footsteps was common.  being a doctor would mean prestige and i would command respect from my peers around me...

well being a pastor would make me humble and some people would not look so highly of me.  but that's okay.  i fell out of love and fell in love.  i fell in love with ministry.  yes, there are still some things that i have to go through, but it is all worth it.  i've been struggling and wrestling with God for all these years.  who would have thought that i would start to think like this?  not even myself mind you...i never thought it would be this way.

i fell in love with people in general.  making relationships that last for a lifetime was something that i never thought would happen to me.  throughout these past months i have been asking God a lot of questions.  these are the questions (that if He answers) would propel me to being the man that He has envisioned me to be and not the other way around. 

i've always wanted to be a doctor not because i wanted to be a doctor, but it seems that my family wanted me to be a doctor.  the Lord once told me that "yes jay, you are going to be a heart surgeon....but not the kind that the world expects."  so, for years i've tried to run from my purpose.  i still ask God to confirm the very call that He has created me to perform and do.

we all have a purpose in life.  God has made sure that everyone of His creation (us) has a purpose that only we can fulfill.  i fell out love with biology...as a matter of fact, it makes me cringe just thinking about it...but why did He allow me to go through those years of studying and hard work when i could have followed Him earlier towards my call?  only He knows.

so the question asks, are you a kite?  are you a car?  are you a knife?  what is your purpose?  the very thing you love to do and have a passion for is your calling in life.  not only is it a calling...but it's God's calling.

before i became a christian in life church i had never imagined that God would take me so far under His wings.  he brought me from a life of struggles and the inconsistencies of my former nature to a place now i call "ministry paradise".  i always believed in God but would never make the step to follow Him with all that i had before.  i now know what it is like to really follow Him...

the women at our church are now going through victory and breakthrough.  praise God!  when we see them this sunday i believe that the church is going to rock!  to see people grow in Christ is a blessing and so rewarding in seeing also that it is your family who has come to know the Lord just a little better.  "masarap talaga mag minister!"  says a pastor friend of mine....i totally agree.

i have to do a one to one at work today and let me tell you it is the most rewarding feeling in the world.  i have two that im discipling at work in brothers ananias and joe.  they are really hungry for God's Word and i am really amazed at their growth in such a short time.

i feel as if we are called to do great things not only at church, but also at our homes, workplaces, and even school.  think about it...we spend about 50-70 percent of our time outside our homes and Jesus has called us to "GO" and make disciples. 

i want to leave a legacy that i have made great disciples for Jesus.  sometimes though in the past i have gotten caught up in "do people like me?" or "do i have the things that people will appreciate me for?"...i have been caught in the expectancies of this world...sometimes i catch myself looking at what other people have that i don't have...but that was the past.

now i look and aim to make disciples for Jesus.  i know i don't know everything and neither is my advice and skills the best, but i will do the best of the talents and gifts that God has given me to win souls for him. 

ananias and joe are going to start making their disciples and im planning to share to more at work...i.e. uncle jojo and my supervisor, junior.  please pray that God gives me the opportunity to witness.  it is the best feeling in the world to see your disciples grow.  i just hope that ive done a good job...sometimes i feel i haven't given it my all, but im willing to go all out.  God is so good!!!!!

as i go and make even more disciples it is not the number of disciples that i have made that count, but it is the number that i could have made, but didn't.  i just pray that i do well for His kingdom.

hello world!  Victory and Breakthrough was a blast and a success!  i pray that every Christian brother and sister could experience the way i feel right now...it feels awesome and God is so GOOD!

this weekend was a blessing from the Lord because i got to meet pastor jay duque from victory church in the philippinnes!  (now the Lord has called him to orlando)  way to go bro!  there were a lot of things that the Lord has shown me.

He has definitely shown me my id in Him.  i never knew that God would take me this far in my walk with Him, but He has held on to His promises.  what an awesome God we serve brothers and sisters.  to be honest i feel unworthy at times, but its never about the way we look at ourselves, but the way God looks at us that's the most important.

please feel free to comment and God bless.